3-30-12 The Mega Multiplier

3-30-12  The Mega Multiplier

Tuesday my sinuses were clearing up some and my hearing was improving a little and thus my sociability and general outlook on life. Work went better and I felt better and was coming out of the doldrums. So when I got an e-mail for a sale from a company I had bought a leather motorcycle jacket from and they had skull helmets ridiculously cheap I knew Randy would appreciate that so I sent it to him, he replied with a sure wish I had someone to ride with, to which I replied take the wife, at least she's not afraid of that old bike like I am. Then I went on to say I hope she doesn't make fun of me this year when I post my ad on Craigslist looking for a guy to ride with, I am going to put a curse on her if she does and I proceeded to think up a very good curse and recalled how he said the mirror got knocked off her car and he had to send out and get a new one and fix it and she didn't at all thank him. Yeah I will wish something to happen to her car if she makes fun of me I thought, nothing serious just a scratch or a bump......my little voice inside me cautioned me that when you wish ill on someone it comes back to you but I poopooed my inner voice saying I only say that IF she makes fun of me again....

Later that evening I had to drive Jeremy to NYC to get a bus to Ohio so that his brother, (who refused to come here to get him and make it easier on me), so he could pick him up in Columbus (4 hrs round trip from my Dad's and about equal to what it would have been to just come get him here on the way south to the Nascar race) I also had to drive to the city, pay for the ticket and the tolls going to and from the 2 hr round trip. Grrr All of this not withstanding I was happy to get a ticket for $30 instead of the $140 Greyhound wanted, sure it was a sketchy looking place, the people were not speaking english, and the trip was 10pm to 7am but at least the traffic wasn't bad..and I pointed out to Jeremy when he complained about his bus mates that at least no one had a live chicken! While driving there for some reason Jeremy got on the topic of how awful it is that people screw each other and treat others poorly in this world and he said that people need to evolve. I agreed, told him life wasn't fair and yes they do need to evolve and that we all had to work to raise the vibrations of the planet to postive ones and not negative ones. I then took the opportunity to brign up how appaling his behavior was sunday at Home Depot, especailly being so mean to that old, minimum wage earning greeter at the door. He said well I was sick and cranky and I said those are the times you stay away from people till you feel better, you should never release anger on others. He listend to me some and then talked about his mood swings and other medical things that worry him, I told him what I alawys tell him....doctor or Reiki thats all I got to offer you. He said doctors never help him...I knew deep down that he's still got a lot of anger in him that he needs to get out, its making him sick...

After I got him on the bus at 10 I went back to my car to head home, I did after all have to work the next day and Keyport was a hours drive away.... I got in the car and hunted out my GPS and looked up and saw that my side mirror had gottne clipped! All that was hanging there were shreds of plastic and wires!

I was pretty upset as I manueverd cautiously all the way home, you never know how much you use that mirror in traffic untill it's gone! I started to panic about the cost, if I could find one in a junk yard and weather my son could put it on. Then I remembered with jealousy how Randy told me the woman who lives with him got hers knocked off and he fixed it for her, grrr Then it dawed on me like a spot light of guilt shone upon a sheepish offender! This was MY fault, I caused this to happen by wishing that curse on her, that something would happen to her car if she made fun of my ads this year! Wow, I really do have power and I really did bring bad back upon myself. I called Mary and talked about it with her and we also recognized that I still have a lot of anger inside me from my past, and that I really needed to work more on healing that. My path has been sooooooo long but I still have to go futher........I prayed that night for help from the angels and the next day as I drove to work and went past Randy's street I sent blessings to him and to her and hoped that they would fix what they got themselves into.

The rest of the week was pretty unremarkable, the only thing going on was lottery fever, the jack pot was over $600 million. I worked from home friday and I felt my inner voice say for split second tell me I was going to have a lot of money soon. Of course I thought of the lottery, and what I would do with the money if I won. Buy a BIG house by the bay, give my Dad plenty to be very comfortable, figure out a way to give to my son's w/o ruining them, perhaps set them up in thier own businesses? Of course my gandest plan I have always had was to have a big big big place by the sea like the mother in the move The World According to Garp, where she let people come to live and help them put thier lives back together. Thats what I want, like a family, everyone has chores, everyone contributes according to what they have, you get love and help and support while you grow stronger till you can live on your own... I would so love to be able to quit my day job.... but for now I have my little rental, and my roomates this is good too.... I thought of Randy for a brief moment and thought about if I should hire him to work for me for some huge salary, thats what I had said when I get rich I would get a boat and he could run it for me. I let that thought go...

Later in the afternoon I broke down and I went and bought a ticket, at the same store that someone had got run down in the street the day before, morbid yes but I figure that area had used up quite a bit of its bad energy perhaps there was some good energy there now? I came home and took a nap and was woken by a text later, it was Randy. He said in all caps: go out and by us a lottery ticket now. I told him to go buy one with his wife. Ugh not the nicest thing to say I thought. But I did comment on how it was funny how he didn't say he bought a ticket and if he won he'd share with me or that he also hadn't offered to help me with my car mirror (I had texted him a pic of it when I sent one to Jeremy). That got him to leave me alone, still I knew I was wrong for having reacted in anger....I need more work on this for sure! I will pray and do self Reiki tonight I told myself. Then I looked for the winning numbers and saw I had 3 right! But I noticed it was for tuesdays numbers not that days. Then I noticed something called a multiplier, if i got 2,3 or 4 or 5  I got a pay out but if I had the mulitplier I got double! So I went and got another ticket for good meause and got the multiplier!

Now I don't know that I will win the lottery, money after all really isn't the blessing most people think it is, but I am going to work now on mulitplying the love in my heart. I have to push out the anger and the jealousy and the pain and grow the love, the compassion, the blessings the giving and all the positive things. Trust me when I tell you the size of your heart is what matters NOT the size of your bank account and once you learn to love and give and wish blessings on EVERYONE  you will always have a mega multiplier!!

May you ALL win big and always have everything that you need!

With Love and in the Light,  Cassie

3-26-12 Hiding Out

3-26-12  Hiding Out

Tuesday I left work early, I was so feverish and tired and in much pain in my ears and throat. Even though I have lived here for 10 months I still don't have a primary doctor but I did find a walk in clinic and that's where I went. I gotta say the wait there wasn't any longer than to my family doctor back in Flemington, and it was so much less nonsense too. He gave me an antibiotic and a decongestant with a cough suppressant and I spent the next few days weak and tired and in various stages of fever and un-rest. I did manage to get some work done from home each day so that I didn't fall too far behind. I knew everyone else at the office was overworked so my being out wasn't going to help the cause and of course now days in the corporate world, due to all the cut backs and short staffing, no one cares if you are sick they just want what they want when they want it. I shouldn't complain though, my boss treats me very well and says your health comes first and has never complained once to me if I was ill or fell behind, and luckily that hasn't been much at all.

So Saturday came along, the day of the St Patrick's Day Parade in my town, a week late but seems to be the tradition here. Anyway I had posted it as an event and was determined to go, I had already had to cancel the game night earlier in the week and many people were sad about that. I woke up though and didn't feel too bad so off I went. Sadly though as we sat there waiting for the parade the temperature grew colder, the wind picked up off the bay and my sinuses became even more stuffed up. The last thing I wanted to do was go find the rest of the crowd who were in the pub and planning to wander around drinking all day. I was grateful for an invitation to lunch from two of my friends and happily went. I really just am not into the big crowds and large parties anymore, or the drinking and truth be told I am not sure I ever was. Then again it could be the sickness talking......

Sunday I woke up feeling 65%, and begged off for the Yoga class.........all I wanted to do was sleep, and well maybe see that new movie Hunger Games. I considered posting to my friends to see if anyone wanted to go with me but then decided not to. Who knew who would want to come, what their schedule would be like, if I'd feel like talking to them with my decreased hearing due to sinus blockage.......sigh........too much work. Then I got to thinking about how anti-social I have been these days and decided to post in my spiritual group and asked others if they experienced anything similar, some said they had and that it had to do with the energies currently going on with the shift and all agreed the best thing to do would be to "go with the flow". I liked that idea and went with it. I asked Jeremy when he woke up if he'd like to go see the movie with me and he  mumbled in the affirmative, he's been sick with the same thing as me but at least he hasn't had to go to work, so after breakfast I proposed we stop at Home Depot to get mulch and then go see an early afternoon movie. So much for plans.........

When we got to the store first he refused to get a cart for me, then he was rude to the greeter when he offered him a sale flyer he grumbled no and when he cheerily still told him "have a nice day" he grumbled NO I WON'T.  I covered my face in shame and headed down an isle...he followed me up and down asking me why was I looking at this or that till finally, mercifully, he wandered off. I finished in that isle and went to get the mulch, he was no where to be seen. Of course. So I had to lift the heavy mulch bags into the cart by myself, he found me again when I was looking for spray paint for the metal patio furniture in time to tell me he hoped that I planned to paint it this year because he was not. Tired of his abuse and too tired to try and correct it (not that you can correct the behavior of a 21 yr old) I headed for the car with my purchases and he grudgingly lifted the bags into the car.....one ripped......he let off a stream of expletives that had people staring to which he shouted "what the f are you looking at?" Driving out of the parking lot I thought no wonder Randy never wanted to live with us...... I took him right home and told him I was not taking him to the movie with me. I have spent years on this kid therapy anger management whatever, I know he's got some type of imbalance but he's got to grow up and deal with it it's just not my problem anymore. He banished himself to his basement for the rest of the day which was a good place for the grumpy gus.

Now my thinking of Randy for a second must have plucked some type of cosmic cord because just as  I was pulling in my street he was coming down it, he tooted and waved and texted.  He is usually working at that hour on a Sunday and also would have had to ignore a wrong way sign to cut down my street.... I C U he said. I see you too I replied. Then feeling like getting some sympathy, (and perhaps a movie pal) I replied: Jeremy being a meanie at honme depot so I am not taking him to the movies with me......Sorry honey he replied and I am at The Fishery....I don't know if he wanted me to come over or not but I just replied OK have fun with your day......going to go home and fix things he sent back. I know most wouldn't understand it but it was comforting to know he's around. Especially when I have been feeling so sick for so long, I knew if I needed him, he'd come. I also knew I wouldn't ask...

Monday I headed back to work and felt a little better, still I kept a low profile and just did my work. I still can't hear very well. Walking out of work my hospice manager called me but I was on the phone comforting my cousin, who'd had a vision or premonition or something (she's been having them ever since she had a near death experience a few years ago) she was concerned about the family member who she had the vision of and said my Dad just tells her "it's from the devil" I told her to ignore him he tells me the same thing. I got home and shot off an e-mail to my hospice manger explaining why I haven't been in to see my patient, she didn't get that e-mail but she left me another message, apparently there are TWO there now. Well hopefully I can get in later in the week but today my immune system doesn't need any more stress and I don't think I can give very effective Reiki right now and well I am just going to lay low just a little bit longer....... springs gone back to being nippy, I need to get a little bit stronger things can wait.....think I am going to go find a rock to hide under for a bit longer.....

Today don't worry about everything getting done in a big rush, sure spring is coming and there is much to do and you WILL get it done. But if you feel achey or sluggish or sniffly it's OK if you just want to peep your head out a bit and then stay in hiding and rest a bit longer. Same for your spiritual growth, if you are tired or stressed there's nothing wrong with hiding under your rock just a little.......don't worry I will come get you when the sun's shining again...........rest up my friends..........you will need it soon.....

With Love and in the Light, Cassie