3-26-12 Hiding Out

3-26-12  Hiding Out

Tuesday I left work early, I was so feverish and tired and in much pain in my ears and throat. Even though I have lived here for 10 months I still don't have a primary doctor but I did find a walk in clinic and that's where I went. I gotta say the wait there wasn't any longer than to my family doctor back in Flemington, and it was so much less nonsense too. He gave me an antibiotic and a decongestant with a cough suppressant and I spent the next few days weak and tired and in various stages of fever and un-rest. I did manage to get some work done from home each day so that I didn't fall too far behind. I knew everyone else at the office was overworked so my being out wasn't going to help the cause and of course now days in the corporate world, due to all the cut backs and short staffing, no one cares if you are sick they just want what they want when they want it. I shouldn't complain though, my boss treats me very well and says your health comes first and has never complained once to me if I was ill or fell behind, and luckily that hasn't been much at all.

So Saturday came along, the day of the St Patrick's Day Parade in my town, a week late but seems to be the tradition here. Anyway I had posted it as an event and was determined to go, I had already had to cancel the game night earlier in the week and many people were sad about that. I woke up though and didn't feel too bad so off I went. Sadly though as we sat there waiting for the parade the temperature grew colder, the wind picked up off the bay and my sinuses became even more stuffed up. The last thing I wanted to do was go find the rest of the crowd who were in the pub and planning to wander around drinking all day. I was grateful for an invitation to lunch from two of my friends and happily went. I really just am not into the big crowds and large parties anymore, or the drinking and truth be told I am not sure I ever was. Then again it could be the sickness talking......

Sunday I woke up feeling 65%, and begged off for the Yoga class.........all I wanted to do was sleep, and well maybe see that new movie Hunger Games. I considered posting to my friends to see if anyone wanted to go with me but then decided not to. Who knew who would want to come, what their schedule would be like, if I'd feel like talking to them with my decreased hearing due to sinus blockage.......sigh........too much work. Then I got to thinking about how anti-social I have been these days and decided to post in my spiritual group and asked others if they experienced anything similar, some said they had and that it had to do with the energies currently going on with the shift and all agreed the best thing to do would be to "go with the flow". I liked that idea and went with it. I asked Jeremy when he woke up if he'd like to go see the movie with me and he  mumbled in the affirmative, he's been sick with the same thing as me but at least he hasn't had to go to work, so after breakfast I proposed we stop at Home Depot to get mulch and then go see an early afternoon movie. So much for plans.........

When we got to the store first he refused to get a cart for me, then he was rude to the greeter when he offered him a sale flyer he grumbled no and when he cheerily still told him "have a nice day" he grumbled NO I WON'T.  I covered my face in shame and headed down an isle...he followed me up and down asking me why was I looking at this or that till finally, mercifully, he wandered off. I finished in that isle and went to get the mulch, he was no where to be seen. Of course. So I had to lift the heavy mulch bags into the cart by myself, he found me again when I was looking for spray paint for the metal patio furniture in time to tell me he hoped that I planned to paint it this year because he was not. Tired of his abuse and too tired to try and correct it (not that you can correct the behavior of a 21 yr old) I headed for the car with my purchases and he grudgingly lifted the bags into the car.....one ripped......he let off a stream of expletives that had people staring to which he shouted "what the f are you looking at?" Driving out of the parking lot I thought no wonder Randy never wanted to live with us...... I took him right home and told him I was not taking him to the movie with me. I have spent years on this kid therapy anger management whatever, I know he's got some type of imbalance but he's got to grow up and deal with it it's just not my problem anymore. He banished himself to his basement for the rest of the day which was a good place for the grumpy gus.

Now my thinking of Randy for a second must have plucked some type of cosmic cord because just as  I was pulling in my street he was coming down it, he tooted and waved and texted.  He is usually working at that hour on a Sunday and also would have had to ignore a wrong way sign to cut down my street.... I C U he said. I see you too I replied. Then feeling like getting some sympathy, (and perhaps a movie pal) I replied: Jeremy being a meanie at honme depot so I am not taking him to the movies with me......Sorry honey he replied and I am at The Fishery....I don't know if he wanted me to come over or not but I just replied OK have fun with your day......going to go home and fix things he sent back. I know most wouldn't understand it but it was comforting to know he's around. Especially when I have been feeling so sick for so long, I knew if I needed him, he'd come. I also knew I wouldn't ask...

Monday I headed back to work and felt a little better, still I kept a low profile and just did my work. I still can't hear very well. Walking out of work my hospice manager called me but I was on the phone comforting my cousin, who'd had a vision or premonition or something (she's been having them ever since she had a near death experience a few years ago) she was concerned about the family member who she had the vision of and said my Dad just tells her "it's from the devil" I told her to ignore him he tells me the same thing. I got home and shot off an e-mail to my hospice manger explaining why I haven't been in to see my patient, she didn't get that e-mail but she left me another message, apparently there are TWO there now. Well hopefully I can get in later in the week but today my immune system doesn't need any more stress and I don't think I can give very effective Reiki right now and well I am just going to lay low just a little bit longer....... springs gone back to being nippy, I need to get a little bit stronger things can wait.....think I am going to go find a rock to hide under for a bit longer.....

Today don't worry about everything getting done in a big rush, sure spring is coming and there is much to do and you WILL get it done. But if you feel achey or sluggish or sniffly it's OK if you just want to peep your head out a bit and then stay in hiding and rest a bit longer. Same for your spiritual growth, if you are tired or stressed there's nothing wrong with hiding under your rock just a little.......don't worry I will come get you when the sun's shining again...........rest up my friends..........you will need it soon.....

With Love and in the Light, Cassie