4-27-12 Taking Care of Me

  "The greatest gift you can give to somebody is your own personal development. I used to say, 'If you will take care of me, I will take care of you.' Now I say, 'I will take care of me for you, if you will take care of you for me" ~ Jim Rohn ♥

4-27-12  Taking Care of Me

Saturday I and a few members from my group participated in a beach clean up day at the beach by my house. This was an organized one for earth day, and they also do one in the fall. Each group had to take a clip board and check off each item that we picked up. It was annoying when all you really wanted to do was get the place cleaned up but he said it was very important to collect the data for research. He said the biggest thing used to be cigarette butts, now you find barely any and the new thing was straws. Judging by what we picked up today I think the new thing is plastic grocery bags, we found 57 in an hour! There's an easy fix for that one..stop giving them away at the store! No seriously, when I shop at Aldis I HAVE to take my own bags or I have to buy them there, just like to get a cart I have to pay a quarter, I get it back if I take my cart back instead of leaving it in the parking lot to ding someones car.

After the beach clean up I and one of the gals went to breakfast in town we talked about a lot of things and some how got on the topic of readings and psychics. I gave her Mary's number and then on a whim told her there was one right here in town just across the street. We decided to go and got there just as she arrived and opened for business! We each got the inexpensive palm readings. I was very impressed with how good she was! I didn't tell her a thing and she starts off with I am not fully happy where I live there is someplace else I wanted. (I do like where I am but I do still drive by that house over on sunset with the bay view) She said that I am the type of person who is very giving and does a lot for many people but don't get so much in return (ya story of my life) she said that I worry but I should not. She said there is a man in my life but I do not talk to him now (guess that's Randy) and she said to not worry that I will have a very good and very loving and giving man in my life and that he is watching me and thinking of me now and I just have to be patient and he will come and be with me. She also said that with my job she sees me doing something more creative and that I will have plenty of money. Quite a bit for $10! When she encouraged me to come back for a psychic reading, with out trying to scare me or charge me some huge price I found myself really wanting to find the money for one......maybe someday soon...

Heading home Mary called me and wanted to meet for dinner, I told her I would but then I got some flowers to plant and spent all afternoon in the yard and decided that I really wanted to stay here near home. She was disappointed but I told her that I moved here because I love it here and I also need to make some more local friends. That my intention is to be here and to make friends here and if I keep driving across the state to meet her I am not following my intention. I never did get out that night though, Jeremy came home in a surly mood and it sucked the energy right out of me. I really need to learn to protect and shield myself from his strong powerful anger mood swings. I will miss him terribly but I am glad he's going to Florida.

Sunday morning I woke up from a really powerful dream, actually I had woken from it several times during the night (my back is aching and I am not sleeping well right now) Anyway in the dream I was in Dustin's car and he was driving me someplace, I recall being afraid of his driving like I had been when he was driving me through the canyons at Yellowstone. Anyway we arrived at some sort of spiritual spa/retreat center that was filled with warm loving people. I was very happy to be there and wanted to sample some of the different types of treatments. At one point though I woke up and then got back into the dream and I was naked except for a very thin loose sheet draped over me. I recall not being comfortable and wanting to leave then but the people were encouraging me to stay for the treatments. This went on until I woke up. I am not quite sure what it means I am going to consult one of my dream decoder groups on Facebook because I know there was a message for me there because of how insistent the dream was.

Monday and Tuesday were fairly UN-eventful  days. I have been having to deal with Jeremy's anger and crankiness and fight him on friends visiting and other violations of my house rules. Its really wearing me thin and I don't want to document it all here. He is supposed to be going to Florida for awhile with his friend and I am really looking forward to it. Wednesday I had a dentist  appointment so I  woke up early as I was working from home and needed to put in time to cover the time missed. At the dentist I noticed how old and worn my sneakers were and wondered how I'd get the money to buy a new pair or find that style I like. After work I went to the chiropractor and then grocery shopping. My little voice told me to pop in K-mart, I argued with the voice that I had zero extra money to spend, it kept nagging so I went in. I did a quick pass through the store and found on a clearance rack, with an extra 50% off the exact sneakers (well not leather but pleather and in my size and the only pair! They ended up being only $7! Jeremy still nagged me for spending money, just as he had nagged me when my order came in earlier that day. I have finally given up on Victor returning all the product I paid for so that I can sell my SpiritStones and I ran out of the few I had left....but my voice kept nagging me to buy some to give and to sell so I used the last $40 on my to the max credit card and ordered a few. I can't let this dream die just because the first attempeted ended so badly....the stones bring too much to those who recieve them and I do belive I can sell them.

Thursday I got myself into a foolish tizzy, I had looked at the facebook page of Randy's "kids". I had worried about him ever since he told me that the one promised to come back when he got out of the Navy and buy them both motorcycles and a motor home. I feel deep in my soul that will never happen and most likely he is just saying that to assure a cheap place for his mother to live indefintely. Anyway now the younger kid has a brand new car too! Three brand new cars all thanks to Randy allowing them to live there free. What a sucker, I was so ticked off on his behalf that I wrote to some of my friends, all said the same thing. Quit looking back, it was none of my business, Chris even went so far as to remind me of the story of Lots wife and the pillar of salt...."there's a lesson there" she gently chided me. UGH! I prayed till I feel asleep and decided in the morning it really was just a question of will power.

Friday I got the interpertaion to my dream: Ancient Wisdom: the thin clothes say about exhaustion of energy through sexual acts. the spiritual retreat where u are being treated made u realize this. oyou know that ...sex is main hurdle in your spiritual journey and you know whther you are really eligible to move on this path after dwelling in sensual pleasures for many years. this was one of the reason made u feel while you practice spirituality. but you have the assurance of higher authorities which are helping u on your spiritual journey so need to introspect about your past again and again.
After a discussion in my Spiritual in NJ group I determined that I did wrong myself and not take care of myself for allowing that "affair" with Randy. I am glad that I stopped it and it had kept me from my spiritual growth. I posted asking about did they feel a single life was vital to an advanced path and this is my favorite reply: Hafizullah Chishti I think it entirely depends on the person. “Tantra” is not just about sex, it’s about using the whole of human life as the context and fuel for the spiritual journey. The Sufis, especially, are about this. On any real spiritual path, one begins to perceive the immanence of the Divine in /everything/, and it is a deeply transformative experience to encounter that which one has been worshipping as God in and AS another person. The monk does this with the spiritual teacher, and the tantrika does it with his/her life partner.It is my /belief/, carefully labeled as such, that the time of monasticism has passed. There may always be monastics, but the need of our time is to integrate all levels as being inherently spiritual and not compartmentalize ourselves into “sacred” over here and “profane” over there.~Hafizullah

With all this in mind, when the guy who had asked me out for friday wrote me and asked if I was up for dinner and drinks and perhaps some live music, I resisted my knee jerk reaction of don't you just want to meet for coffee first (because I am used to the guy not wanting to spend any money on me unless he thinks he's going to want me to put out)  and said sure that sounds lovely! I think I've turned a corner on my path........now for the will power to not look back and I just may get myself someplace new and better someday soon....... Walking at Sandy Hook and Yoga on the Beach this weekend for me, there maybe a Singing Bowl meditation on the beach in my near future too....

What about you, are you loving and taking care of YOU for your mate or future mate and friends? And are you taking care of your planet too for you to enjoy and for those who will come after? Step it up people.....the shift is coming! Stay true to YOUR paths..........

With Love and in the Light, Cassie

4-20-12 Breaking Off to Grow

  4-20-12   Breaking Off to Grow

Friday after work my buddy wanted me to meet him down at an event in Sea Bright I didn't want to go but he talked me into RSVPing, but then I got to working in the yard and then wanted to go to Walmart and just wasn't in the mood to get dressed up and go sit in a bar. I got Jeremy and we went to Walmart and got a canopy for the front deck, it has no roof so besides not having a place to sit in the summer there is no protection from the sun on the picture window. I was quite pleased and took him to dinner at a fast food place. I really do skip most of the events and parties now days but I just feel I need plenty of quieter, me time. This has been my pattern for awhile now and I am not going to fight it.

Saturday I had a posted a hike from The Divorce Support meetup on my Fun and Easy Fitness group since I hadn't had the time to put something up. One of my people ended up coming last minute which was good because I see that I am in no way ready to try and keep up with "regular people". We walked as far as we could (or rather as far as I could) it was uphill so that was my problem. But she and I walked some and sat and talked for a bit. I am also discouraged because I am so behind after being sick How am I ever going to be able to loose weight if I make progress only to get ill and gain it all back again?

Sunday was Yoga, again its horrible how I have slipped with this stuff and how un-flexible that I am. But I did the best I could and I was encouraged by a new person who came who needs it to keep going. The teacher was having a hard time on this day, she is all swammped with huge bills and such. I talked to her for a very long time and gave her encouragement. I told her what a waste it would be to give up on her dream and go work at Starbucks part time instead of doing this.In the evening I got a reading from Adele, she and I call each other and practice our abilities. I find it better to consult with new people who don't know me at all and have no preconceived thoughts about me.My question was what is blocking me having a relationship as I was predicted to have found someone this spring and spring is about over. The main thing she got was that it was the dialogue in my head that keeps me from having someone. I knew exactly what she meant when she said that, I still can't BELIEVE that I can have someone love and want me, and my main reason for that is I think I am so unattractive. Guess it's time to get back on that issue again.........and again while yes I DO need to loose weight, I need to believe in the beauty, and the ability for someone to recognize and love me for that beauty no matter my size...

Monday I came home and had a HUGE fight with my son.He was just angry and cranky and stomping and steaming all over the place. He even threw a tantrum and broke my microwave! By the end of the night I was having chest pains with tingles in my arm that scared the crap out of me and I told him to go to Florida already! I never told him that he can't go I only told him that he shouldn't go, that he always got in trouble with Alex and that he should use the help that is there for him now to go look for work before his unemployment runs out. But he really wants to go and I really need a break from his crankiness. Like I told Mary, I think its a biological thing that makes teenagers and young adults clash with thier parents, so that they can make the necessary breaks needed to forge out and make lives of thier own. Its important that they break away in order to grow, much like how you take a stem from a plant and put it in water so that it forms new roots that can be planted to make a whole new plant!

The rest of the week was pretty much un-remarkable. I still am quite run donw from these sinus issues and just getting by day to day is about all I can handle. I did however have a meeting today again at corporate headquarters, this time I met with the new head of HR. Since it was a work from home day I drove up from home and wow what a pleasant commute that was! The place was abuzz too with gardeners planting flowers and painters doing touch ups. Wendy told me that each spring we have this big shareholders meeting and they have tulips planted to bloom exactly at that time but due to this years unseasonably warm weather they already bloomed so gardners had to come in to plant begonias! It so beautiful there and today we visited another building too. I kept wishing and wishing that somehow I would someday have a job there, for good measure I left a clear quartz SpiritStone in the grass for good measure before I went home.....

But anyway the meeting went very well and Lisa is very much on board with our initiative and said the next steps would be to bring in the Quality Leadership Team. I mentioned that my boss was on that team so our next steps are to have a meeting with him and see if he can get that group on board with this. He had told me how cool that would be if this came full circle. He had also told me that he was happy to see me engaged again. I must confess that I had pretty much given up on my company being a stepping stone to any sucess finacial or otherwise when he told me that his hands were tied on moving me up unless I went back and finished my degree. I didn't see that as an option nor a preference with me and I knew I'd have to break off and grow someplace else. When I came home there was an e-mail from my bosses boss asking to see the e-mail I had sent to Bill. Yeah NOW she notices that I exist! Ha! But that's ok, she's a busy woman and she hasn't got to know me yet.....

Today I want you to see what areas in your life or ideas that you've had or plans that you've wanted to accomplish aren't growing as well as they should, what can you break off and "plant" somewhere else? Or perhaps its a relationship you have with a friend or a child or even a lover....sometimes things have to break away and given a chance to grow on thier own..otherwise they will suck the life force from YOU. But not to worry, just like a person who loses a limb can still feel it, or a loved one who has passed on still seems to be with us at times....we remain forever energetically connected to that which was a part of us. So don't be afraid to break off to allow growth!

With Love and in the Light, Cassie

4-13-12 Stretching Myself

4-13-12     Stretching Myself

So Friday I took my sons to the Twin Lighthouse overlooking Sandy Hook and then to Sandy Hook to walk around and pick up shells and then out to lunch. I don't know that Dustin got into it but Jeremy did and they both ended up helping me pick up shells. On the way home we stopped and got a late lunch and I talked to Dustin about how he feels being out of the Air Force after having been in for 9 years. He said it felt no different but then said maybe because he wasn't officially out yet and also he confessed that no one came to his going away lunch. I was in shock for a minute but then recalled how tough he can be on people. Jeremy was pretty surprised too and tried to tell him how he has to be nicer to people, and Dustin argued that he had to be tough on people to help then to grow.......ugh...

Saturday my card of the day was New Beginings and I felt good about it. I had talked to Randy the night before because I had seen a picture of him on Facebook and it made me miss him. I encouraged him to try and put some effort in his relationship but he didn't want to listen and dropped hints about wanting to find some nice single gal. I guess he is a lost cause and I needn't put any of my good energy in that direction. I put him out of my mind and did my chores and got ready for the concert that night. I had gotten us all tickets for The Marshall Tucker Band free from The Starland Ballroom and shared them with a couple other groups. I really had to remind myself that I do this for the people as I really am not that into going out late and standing up for hours on end in a crowded venue. Then again I do get into the music and the people's energy. I was suprised though to see someone who's been bashing me all over meetup there, using one of MY free tickets. The next day too someone posted and said they suspected I had created a scam as they showed up and had to pay $40 to get in. The organizer I had given 50 free tickets for his group didn't even defend me all he was concerned about was his group not looking bad. I had to go in and defend myself and remind them of all the ways we had provided to get the free tickets, none of which had to do with bothering the Ballroom staff. I feared I may not be able to get more tickets, then again I am ready to stop doing this for them if thats how they are going to act I though to myself.  *sigh*

Sunday was Easter and I did manage to get to church with Dustin, a protestant church that he likes but they did have a few songs that I knew and liked there. I was even almost considering going back there till he got to the part of the sermon where he named all the other leaders of different faiths and pointed out that none of them had died and risen from the dead like Jesus did so of course they aren't the "right" faith. Ugh! Scratch that one, much as I yearn for a church to attend I won't go to one that preaces what goes against my spirit, I've had enough judgement for 100 lifetimes!

Monday when I got back to work I had an e-mail from Bill Weldon, president and CEO of my company! I had totally forgot that I sent him and e-mail with an idea that I had. It came in my mind a few times and just to silence my little voice I finally gave in and sent the suggestion, he answered me within 24 hrs, liked the idea, thanked me TWICE and forwared it on to someone else at corporate and they had called me and e-mailed me while I was on vacation. I was so excited but calm enough to e-mail her back, she called me later in the day and we made plans to meet the very next day. Thats when the fear hit me..... Later that night though there was a post on my facebook page by Larissa Jaye A life coach whom I had went into NYC to take a class with, it an article about someone wanting to do something and not doing it because she was fat. I posted to her thanks I needed that! It was true too, I did fear what if they won't think as highly of me when they see that  I am fat, my company is so big on promoting health and fitness for us.. She reassured me though and I told her I will try and come in and make another of her classes... You can read about my first venture in to see her two years ago here: -big-girls-dont-cry-

Tuesday I went to work untill 2pm then headed off to corporate to meet Wendy. I had posted the night before in my spiritual group for good energy to be sent my way so that I was not afraid and was eloquent and would be well recieved. I toally was! More than I ever hoped I could have been! And it was so easy to get home from that location, I wished some more that my dream of someday working at corporate headquarters would come true! I popped in at the Starland Ballroom to pick up tickets for the next free concert for my group, The Machine, a Pink Floyd cover band. But this time he gave me far fewer tickets for my group, well actually the gal at the door did as she never got my contact on the phone. I don't know if word got back to him about the compliner but I decided to make the best of this, I listed it ONLY in one of my groups and put a much tigheter reign on how to get tickets from me, this time only my loyal members can get them and that just might be for the best...

Wed was a work from home day and Dustin's last day here, Jeremy was hoping to get a phone call to see if it was ok for him to go even though they were looking for work for him so since my brakes were getting worse faster than expected we figured he better do them that day. I was working from home and we ran out on my coffee break to get the parts and he had them on by the end of the day at a fracton of the price of break job! He asked me to ask Randy to come look at the old routers as he wasnt sure we needed them replaced or not, he did come but by the time he did Jeremy had already put the new ones on. He said we coulda got by without them but I did feel better having had them done. I have my income tax money so I am not as concerned at the moment about money and it really is true the more you are relaxed about it the easier it flows..
Thursday I woke up to dream I was in a big library trying to choose a book, I just kept looking and looking and looking and pulling some down but being afraid to choose them, the ones I was afraid to choose were on alternative faiths and such. I imagine I was having that dream because of the debates on religion and faith we were having in the group on facebook we made for my alma mater, University of Steubenville a very strict, very conservative Catholic College. I was trying to explain to them how wonderful Reiki was and how sad that the church has banned it. I stopped on my way home at the nursing home to see my hospice clients, one of them was very sick and his daughter was there and I comforted her, she knows his time is about up. I wanted to offer to give him Reiki and share with her the visits from my mother and grandmother (she is ready to let him go but her biggest worry is not being with him at the moment of his death).  Later that night too as I was shopping for spring blouses at the Good Will store I was looking for V-necks and noted how my grandma, my mother and myself all hate to have anyting around our necks....I know I was condemend to death as a witch in a past life I wonder if they had too and hence our aversion to things around our necks?? I wonder if I am being asked to choose now.... I know I am a Catholic and a christian but are these things truly mutually exclsive??

Friday I was in contact with my old , dear, spiritual friend Beth, she's been going through a lot of healing and she has completed her yoga insturctor training. We talked and have started to beginings of an idea for sunset yoga classes similar to the ones Nancy and I do together but different. I am ready so ready to do some more stretching and growing...

Today look at your life and ask yourself where you can stretch yourself a litte, ignore the protests of your mind and go past your fears, reach beyond that comfort zone and just give something a try.......You'll never know just how far you can reach till you try it, and continued reaching will lenghten those muscles to places you never thought you could go........trust me.....try it....if I can stretch at the age of 51 so can you!

With Love and in the Light, Cassie

4-6-12 Let Go to Love

4-6-12   Let Go to Love

Saturday morning I woke up none the richer (no winning lottery ticket) and to rain so I had to cancel my walking and talking event. It turned out to be a good twist of fate however as I noticed an invite to a spiritual workshop on my spiritual in NJ facebook ID It was an event to play a game called Satori and it was great! I had sent the intention now to work on leggting go of my anger, as I said in an earlier blog I discoved that I still have a lot to deal with and get rid of. I signed up and went to go post it to my main profile in case some friends of mine wanted to go and discovered that she was already my friend on my main page, talk about synchronisity! So off I went to play the game. I was pleasantly suprised to find my hypnotist friend was there, someone I admire quite a bit but seldom get the chance to speak to when were are out. He and I discussed trading hypnotism for reiki as I know I need deeper help with my weight issues...

Anyway we sat down to play the game and she said we can choose what to work on or let the game choose, all of us let the game choose. I was suprised when I drew workplace and the issue there illness, disease or injury. We went around and each said why they came today and what the issue was the board had chosen for them to work on. I again was quite happy to see that all were there similarly to me, that they had grown and done much work but having "peeled the onion layer" discovered another one to work on. I was not alone! I felt so much less down on myself for where I was at in my own growth, and some of these people are healers too! See you are never "done" but thats ok. So it was my turn to expalin my issue and I said I think this means I am angry about my position at the office, I never finished college because I kept getting depressed and not getting good grades despite how smart I am and I am angry that I have gone as far as I can despite the fact that I am smarter than many of my co-workers who make tons more money. I was angry that I can barley pay bills while I have to hear about thier fancy vacations and new cars and I am smart or smarter than many. I am angry for my parents not helping me pay for school, for accusing me of cheating when I got genius level scores on my IQ tests in grade school, for buying a new camper instead of helping me with part of my tuition so I could stay in college. So much came out! On that issue in the end it became clear that I was never meant to have a degree and climb the corporate ladder, that I could so much more good for humanity with out work getting in my way, something I felt but the re-affirmation was wonderful. The game had limiting beliefs that we all cleared, mine being I have to be perfect to be loved, and my life just isn't working (both things I have been feeling lately). There were healing issues and saying I forgive to some people. I did my parents, a meetup friend who screwed me big time in many ways, and Randy. I was angry at him for only telling me he loved me when I bought him something and I am angry at him for keeping that woman around for the money she pays him. I released these and shortly thereafter I got a text........it was him..... He said: we didn't win the lottery, my reply: guess you have to keep the wife....Not was his reply. I ignored it, guess I am going to have to tackle my anger for that issues another day as I failed the test on had I really let it go....

Each of us really did some healing and work during the game, they all said it seemed as thought I did the most and I told them all my healers are amazed at how fast and how deep I do the work. The game had Karam cards, lessons we had come to learn this life. Mine were: humility and fairness. The part I liked most of all was the New Story Cards we got to draw. I think I ended up getting the most (i was the last one to win the game) they were:

• When I show up as who I am, everyone loves me
• Life's so easy now I off to the beach
• I am always abundantly supplied and money flows easily into my life now
• I am every bit as popular as anyone else
• I have many God given gifts that I joyfully share with others
• I take control of what I can control and trust spirit to handle all the rest

I cried as I drew each card. And when I got home later an this was in my newsfeed:
Wash the dust from your Soul and Heart with wisdom's water. ~Rumi~ 
I had indeed cleared alot of dust that day...

Sunday I slept in till 8am, I had gotten home much later from the game than I expected and never got a nap, so I begged off the dancing event I had signed up for and dozzed off watching TV totally throwing off my going to sleep schedule, then again I am on vacation so who cares? I had a kite flying event in the afternoon so I happily lazed around slowly and did light chores and lots of internet work and stuff. I had a whole list of things to get done while on vacation and tried to get at least some of them done.

Monday I got up and went gorcery shopping and cleaned the house and waited for my son's to arrive which they did early in the evening. I cooked them dinner and listed to the tales of thier trip. Jeremy was so full of anger and crankiness though and Dustin said he hadn't been that way the whole trip till he got here. It came up that he wants to go to Florida with his friend Alex and I do not approve of that idea but in the end I said listen you are 21 you can do whatever you want to do but I am entitled to my opinion. I also gave my opinion to the coal mine in Ohio job, he has asthma and no drivers liscence.

We've been having a good week so far though, I took them to a movie one day the arcades another day, one day we stayed home and did yard work. It was just like old times though Dustin helped a little and then it was Jeremy and I working together all the rest of the time. Dustin just watched TV, played on his computer or stummed his banjo most of the time so far. I wish that I had more money so I could take him somewhere really fun but I just don't. I so wanted him to have fun. But at least we are getting along and not fighting about anything and when religion came up we had a short discusssion and then dropped it, he's seeing now that we each have our own beliefes but neither one of us has to force them on the other.

And speaking of faith I had a bit of healing there too. I have been participating in a group on Facebook made up of my old college friends, we have been having a blast posting and remenising and such, sometimes we got down a path of talking about beer blasts and crushes and intervisitation. It was a small Catholic school and had very strict rules, and basically there were the holy rollers and the not so holy rollers, I of course fell in the later! One of the holy rollers posted and said "lets elevate this a bit" and changed the topic, to which I did respond to the question and added a BTW: You could have just posted a new topic with out the judgement, its people and attitudes like you that drove me away from church for a very long time. I got a lot of likes for that comment, and I have met so many who have had the same thing happen.......all I can say is don't judge christ by the behavior of christians all the time....they are after all only human. I of course said a prayer for her and sent her some love to thaw that heart and  to sum it all up I posted a song that I had always loved back when I did go to mass at Steubie U. They Will Know We are Christians by Our Love... A good reminder.......

Today on this Good Friday I want you to reflect on what a great love that Jesus had for us that he lay down his very life for us. Can't you decide to Love someone today, forgive them for whatever wrong they may have done you and pray for them and send them love and light? It's the only way to healing for them for you and for this planet.............

With Love and in the Light,  Cassie


They Will Know We are Christians by Our Love
http://youtu.be/9XhUsJD0w1M

And they'll know we are Christians by our love,
By our Love,
Yes they'll know we are Christians by our love.