4-27-12 Taking Care of Me

  "The greatest gift you can give to somebody is your own personal development. I used to say, 'If you will take care of me, I will take care of you.' Now I say, 'I will take care of me for you, if you will take care of you for me" ~ Jim Rohn ♥

4-27-12  Taking Care of Me

Saturday I and a few members from my group participated in a beach clean up day at the beach by my house. This was an organized one for earth day, and they also do one in the fall. Each group had to take a clip board and check off each item that we picked up. It was annoying when all you really wanted to do was get the place cleaned up but he said it was very important to collect the data for research. He said the biggest thing used to be cigarette butts, now you find barely any and the new thing was straws. Judging by what we picked up today I think the new thing is plastic grocery bags, we found 57 in an hour! There's an easy fix for that one..stop giving them away at the store! No seriously, when I shop at Aldis I HAVE to take my own bags or I have to buy them there, just like to get a cart I have to pay a quarter, I get it back if I take my cart back instead of leaving it in the parking lot to ding someones car.

After the beach clean up I and one of the gals went to breakfast in town we talked about a lot of things and some how got on the topic of readings and psychics. I gave her Mary's number and then on a whim told her there was one right here in town just across the street. We decided to go and got there just as she arrived and opened for business! We each got the inexpensive palm readings. I was very impressed with how good she was! I didn't tell her a thing and she starts off with I am not fully happy where I live there is someplace else I wanted. (I do like where I am but I do still drive by that house over on sunset with the bay view) She said that I am the type of person who is very giving and does a lot for many people but don't get so much in return (ya story of my life) she said that I worry but I should not. She said there is a man in my life but I do not talk to him now (guess that's Randy) and she said to not worry that I will have a very good and very loving and giving man in my life and that he is watching me and thinking of me now and I just have to be patient and he will come and be with me. She also said that with my job she sees me doing something more creative and that I will have plenty of money. Quite a bit for $10! When she encouraged me to come back for a psychic reading, with out trying to scare me or charge me some huge price I found myself really wanting to find the money for one......maybe someday soon...

Heading home Mary called me and wanted to meet for dinner, I told her I would but then I got some flowers to plant and spent all afternoon in the yard and decided that I really wanted to stay here near home. She was disappointed but I told her that I moved here because I love it here and I also need to make some more local friends. That my intention is to be here and to make friends here and if I keep driving across the state to meet her I am not following my intention. I never did get out that night though, Jeremy came home in a surly mood and it sucked the energy right out of me. I really need to learn to protect and shield myself from his strong powerful anger mood swings. I will miss him terribly but I am glad he's going to Florida.

Sunday morning I woke up from a really powerful dream, actually I had woken from it several times during the night (my back is aching and I am not sleeping well right now) Anyway in the dream I was in Dustin's car and he was driving me someplace, I recall being afraid of his driving like I had been when he was driving me through the canyons at Yellowstone. Anyway we arrived at some sort of spiritual spa/retreat center that was filled with warm loving people. I was very happy to be there and wanted to sample some of the different types of treatments. At one point though I woke up and then got back into the dream and I was naked except for a very thin loose sheet draped over me. I recall not being comfortable and wanting to leave then but the people were encouraging me to stay for the treatments. This went on until I woke up. I am not quite sure what it means I am going to consult one of my dream decoder groups on Facebook because I know there was a message for me there because of how insistent the dream was.

Monday and Tuesday were fairly UN-eventful  days. I have been having to deal with Jeremy's anger and crankiness and fight him on friends visiting and other violations of my house rules. Its really wearing me thin and I don't want to document it all here. He is supposed to be going to Florida for awhile with his friend and I am really looking forward to it. Wednesday I had a dentist  appointment so I  woke up early as I was working from home and needed to put in time to cover the time missed. At the dentist I noticed how old and worn my sneakers were and wondered how I'd get the money to buy a new pair or find that style I like. After work I went to the chiropractor and then grocery shopping. My little voice told me to pop in K-mart, I argued with the voice that I had zero extra money to spend, it kept nagging so I went in. I did a quick pass through the store and found on a clearance rack, with an extra 50% off the exact sneakers (well not leather but pleather and in my size and the only pair! They ended up being only $7! Jeremy still nagged me for spending money, just as he had nagged me when my order came in earlier that day. I have finally given up on Victor returning all the product I paid for so that I can sell my SpiritStones and I ran out of the few I had left....but my voice kept nagging me to buy some to give and to sell so I used the last $40 on my to the max credit card and ordered a few. I can't let this dream die just because the first attempeted ended so badly....the stones bring too much to those who recieve them and I do belive I can sell them.

Thursday I got myself into a foolish tizzy, I had looked at the facebook page of Randy's "kids". I had worried about him ever since he told me that the one promised to come back when he got out of the Navy and buy them both motorcycles and a motor home. I feel deep in my soul that will never happen and most likely he is just saying that to assure a cheap place for his mother to live indefintely. Anyway now the younger kid has a brand new car too! Three brand new cars all thanks to Randy allowing them to live there free. What a sucker, I was so ticked off on his behalf that I wrote to some of my friends, all said the same thing. Quit looking back, it was none of my business, Chris even went so far as to remind me of the story of Lots wife and the pillar of salt...."there's a lesson there" she gently chided me. UGH! I prayed till I feel asleep and decided in the morning it really was just a question of will power.

Friday I got the interpertaion to my dream: Ancient Wisdom: the thin clothes say about exhaustion of energy through sexual acts. the spiritual retreat where u are being treated made u realize this. oyou know that ...sex is main hurdle in your spiritual journey and you know whther you are really eligible to move on this path after dwelling in sensual pleasures for many years. this was one of the reason made u feel while you practice spirituality. but you have the assurance of higher authorities which are helping u on your spiritual journey so need to introspect about your past again and again.
After a discussion in my Spiritual in NJ group I determined that I did wrong myself and not take care of myself for allowing that "affair" with Randy. I am glad that I stopped it and it had kept me from my spiritual growth. I posted asking about did they feel a single life was vital to an advanced path and this is my favorite reply: Hafizullah Chishti I think it entirely depends on the person. “Tantra” is not just about sex, it’s about using the whole of human life as the context and fuel for the spiritual journey. The Sufis, especially, are about this. On any real spiritual path, one begins to perceive the immanence of the Divine in /everything/, and it is a deeply transformative experience to encounter that which one has been worshipping as God in and AS another person. The monk does this with the spiritual teacher, and the tantrika does it with his/her life partner.It is my /belief/, carefully labeled as such, that the time of monasticism has passed. There may always be monastics, but the need of our time is to integrate all levels as being inherently spiritual and not compartmentalize ourselves into “sacred” over here and “profane” over there.~Hafizullah

With all this in mind, when the guy who had asked me out for friday wrote me and asked if I was up for dinner and drinks and perhaps some live music, I resisted my knee jerk reaction of don't you just want to meet for coffee first (because I am used to the guy not wanting to spend any money on me unless he thinks he's going to want me to put out)  and said sure that sounds lovely! I think I've turned a corner on my path........now for the will power to not look back and I just may get myself someplace new and better someday soon....... Walking at Sandy Hook and Yoga on the Beach this weekend for me, there maybe a Singing Bowl meditation on the beach in my near future too....

What about you, are you loving and taking care of YOU for your mate or future mate and friends? And are you taking care of your planet too for you to enjoy and for those who will come after? Step it up people.....the shift is coming! Stay true to YOUR paths..........

With Love and in the Light, Cassie