4-20-12 Breaking Off to Grow

  4-20-12   Breaking Off to Grow

Friday after work my buddy wanted me to meet him down at an event in Sea Bright I didn't want to go but he talked me into RSVPing, but then I got to working in the yard and then wanted to go to Walmart and just wasn't in the mood to get dressed up and go sit in a bar. I got Jeremy and we went to Walmart and got a canopy for the front deck, it has no roof so besides not having a place to sit in the summer there is no protection from the sun on the picture window. I was quite pleased and took him to dinner at a fast food place. I really do skip most of the events and parties now days but I just feel I need plenty of quieter, me time. This has been my pattern for awhile now and I am not going to fight it.

Saturday I had a posted a hike from The Divorce Support meetup on my Fun and Easy Fitness group since I hadn't had the time to put something up. One of my people ended up coming last minute which was good because I see that I am in no way ready to try and keep up with "regular people". We walked as far as we could (or rather as far as I could) it was uphill so that was my problem. But she and I walked some and sat and talked for a bit. I am also discouraged because I am so behind after being sick How am I ever going to be able to loose weight if I make progress only to get ill and gain it all back again?

Sunday was Yoga, again its horrible how I have slipped with this stuff and how un-flexible that I am. But I did the best I could and I was encouraged by a new person who came who needs it to keep going. The teacher was having a hard time on this day, she is all swammped with huge bills and such. I talked to her for a very long time and gave her encouragement. I told her what a waste it would be to give up on her dream and go work at Starbucks part time instead of doing this.In the evening I got a reading from Adele, she and I call each other and practice our abilities. I find it better to consult with new people who don't know me at all and have no preconceived thoughts about me.My question was what is blocking me having a relationship as I was predicted to have found someone this spring and spring is about over. The main thing she got was that it was the dialogue in my head that keeps me from having someone. I knew exactly what she meant when she said that, I still can't BELIEVE that I can have someone love and want me, and my main reason for that is I think I am so unattractive. Guess it's time to get back on that issue again.........and again while yes I DO need to loose weight, I need to believe in the beauty, and the ability for someone to recognize and love me for that beauty no matter my size...

Monday I came home and had a HUGE fight with my son.He was just angry and cranky and stomping and steaming all over the place. He even threw a tantrum and broke my microwave! By the end of the night I was having chest pains with tingles in my arm that scared the crap out of me and I told him to go to Florida already! I never told him that he can't go I only told him that he shouldn't go, that he always got in trouble with Alex and that he should use the help that is there for him now to go look for work before his unemployment runs out. But he really wants to go and I really need a break from his crankiness. Like I told Mary, I think its a biological thing that makes teenagers and young adults clash with thier parents, so that they can make the necessary breaks needed to forge out and make lives of thier own. Its important that they break away in order to grow, much like how you take a stem from a plant and put it in water so that it forms new roots that can be planted to make a whole new plant!

The rest of the week was pretty much un-remarkable. I still am quite run donw from these sinus issues and just getting by day to day is about all I can handle. I did however have a meeting today again at corporate headquarters, this time I met with the new head of HR. Since it was a work from home day I drove up from home and wow what a pleasant commute that was! The place was abuzz too with gardeners planting flowers and painters doing touch ups. Wendy told me that each spring we have this big shareholders meeting and they have tulips planted to bloom exactly at that time but due to this years unseasonably warm weather they already bloomed so gardners had to come in to plant begonias! It so beautiful there and today we visited another building too. I kept wishing and wishing that somehow I would someday have a job there, for good measure I left a clear quartz SpiritStone in the grass for good measure before I went home.....

But anyway the meeting went very well and Lisa is very much on board with our initiative and said the next steps would be to bring in the Quality Leadership Team. I mentioned that my boss was on that team so our next steps are to have a meeting with him and see if he can get that group on board with this. He had told me how cool that would be if this came full circle. He had also told me that he was happy to see me engaged again. I must confess that I had pretty much given up on my company being a stepping stone to any sucess finacial or otherwise when he told me that his hands were tied on moving me up unless I went back and finished my degree. I didn't see that as an option nor a preference with me and I knew I'd have to break off and grow someplace else. When I came home there was an e-mail from my bosses boss asking to see the e-mail I had sent to Bill. Yeah NOW she notices that I exist! Ha! But that's ok, she's a busy woman and she hasn't got to know me yet.....

Today I want you to see what areas in your life or ideas that you've had or plans that you've wanted to accomplish aren't growing as well as they should, what can you break off and "plant" somewhere else? Or perhaps its a relationship you have with a friend or a child or even a lover....sometimes things have to break away and given a chance to grow on thier own..otherwise they will suck the life force from YOU. But not to worry, just like a person who loses a limb can still feel it, or a loved one who has passed on still seems to be with us at times....we remain forever energetically connected to that which was a part of us. So don't be afraid to break off to allow growth!

With Love and in the Light, Cassie

4-13-12 Stretching Myself

4-13-12     Stretching Myself

So Friday I took my sons to the Twin Lighthouse overlooking Sandy Hook and then to Sandy Hook to walk around and pick up shells and then out to lunch. I don't know that Dustin got into it but Jeremy did and they both ended up helping me pick up shells. On the way home we stopped and got a late lunch and I talked to Dustin about how he feels being out of the Air Force after having been in for 9 years. He said it felt no different but then said maybe because he wasn't officially out yet and also he confessed that no one came to his going away lunch. I was in shock for a minute but then recalled how tough he can be on people. Jeremy was pretty surprised too and tried to tell him how he has to be nicer to people, and Dustin argued that he had to be tough on people to help then to grow.......ugh...

Saturday my card of the day was New Beginings and I felt good about it. I had talked to Randy the night before because I had seen a picture of him on Facebook and it made me miss him. I encouraged him to try and put some effort in his relationship but he didn't want to listen and dropped hints about wanting to find some nice single gal. I guess he is a lost cause and I needn't put any of my good energy in that direction. I put him out of my mind and did my chores and got ready for the concert that night. I had gotten us all tickets for The Marshall Tucker Band free from The Starland Ballroom and shared them with a couple other groups. I really had to remind myself that I do this for the people as I really am not that into going out late and standing up for hours on end in a crowded venue. Then again I do get into the music and the people's energy. I was suprised though to see someone who's been bashing me all over meetup there, using one of MY free tickets. The next day too someone posted and said they suspected I had created a scam as they showed up and had to pay $40 to get in. The organizer I had given 50 free tickets for his group didn't even defend me all he was concerned about was his group not looking bad. I had to go in and defend myself and remind them of all the ways we had provided to get the free tickets, none of which had to do with bothering the Ballroom staff. I feared I may not be able to get more tickets, then again I am ready to stop doing this for them if thats how they are going to act I though to myself.  *sigh*

Sunday was Easter and I did manage to get to church with Dustin, a protestant church that he likes but they did have a few songs that I knew and liked there. I was even almost considering going back there till he got to the part of the sermon where he named all the other leaders of different faiths and pointed out that none of them had died and risen from the dead like Jesus did so of course they aren't the "right" faith. Ugh! Scratch that one, much as I yearn for a church to attend I won't go to one that preaces what goes against my spirit, I've had enough judgement for 100 lifetimes!

Monday when I got back to work I had an e-mail from Bill Weldon, president and CEO of my company! I had totally forgot that I sent him and e-mail with an idea that I had. It came in my mind a few times and just to silence my little voice I finally gave in and sent the suggestion, he answered me within 24 hrs, liked the idea, thanked me TWICE and forwared it on to someone else at corporate and they had called me and e-mailed me while I was on vacation. I was so excited but calm enough to e-mail her back, she called me later in the day and we made plans to meet the very next day. Thats when the fear hit me..... Later that night though there was a post on my facebook page by Larissa Jaye A life coach whom I had went into NYC to take a class with, it an article about someone wanting to do something and not doing it because she was fat. I posted to her thanks I needed that! It was true too, I did fear what if they won't think as highly of me when they see that  I am fat, my company is so big on promoting health and fitness for us.. She reassured me though and I told her I will try and come in and make another of her classes... You can read about my first venture in to see her two years ago here: -big-girls-dont-cry-

Tuesday I went to work untill 2pm then headed off to corporate to meet Wendy. I had posted the night before in my spiritual group for good energy to be sent my way so that I was not afraid and was eloquent and would be well recieved. I toally was! More than I ever hoped I could have been! And it was so easy to get home from that location, I wished some more that my dream of someday working at corporate headquarters would come true! I popped in at the Starland Ballroom to pick up tickets for the next free concert for my group, The Machine, a Pink Floyd cover band. But this time he gave me far fewer tickets for my group, well actually the gal at the door did as she never got my contact on the phone. I don't know if word got back to him about the compliner but I decided to make the best of this, I listed it ONLY in one of my groups and put a much tigheter reign on how to get tickets from me, this time only my loyal members can get them and that just might be for the best...

Wed was a work from home day and Dustin's last day here, Jeremy was hoping to get a phone call to see if it was ok for him to go even though they were looking for work for him so since my brakes were getting worse faster than expected we figured he better do them that day. I was working from home and we ran out on my coffee break to get the parts and he had them on by the end of the day at a fracton of the price of break job! He asked me to ask Randy to come look at the old routers as he wasnt sure we needed them replaced or not, he did come but by the time he did Jeremy had already put the new ones on. He said we coulda got by without them but I did feel better having had them done. I have my income tax money so I am not as concerned at the moment about money and it really is true the more you are relaxed about it the easier it flows..
Thursday I woke up to dream I was in a big library trying to choose a book, I just kept looking and looking and looking and pulling some down but being afraid to choose them, the ones I was afraid to choose were on alternative faiths and such. I imagine I was having that dream because of the debates on religion and faith we were having in the group on facebook we made for my alma mater, University of Steubenville a very strict, very conservative Catholic College. I was trying to explain to them how wonderful Reiki was and how sad that the church has banned it. I stopped on my way home at the nursing home to see my hospice clients, one of them was very sick and his daughter was there and I comforted her, she knows his time is about up. I wanted to offer to give him Reiki and share with her the visits from my mother and grandmother (she is ready to let him go but her biggest worry is not being with him at the moment of his death).  Later that night too as I was shopping for spring blouses at the Good Will store I was looking for V-necks and noted how my grandma, my mother and myself all hate to have anyting around our necks....I know I was condemend to death as a witch in a past life I wonder if they had too and hence our aversion to things around our necks?? I wonder if I am being asked to choose now.... I know I am a Catholic and a christian but are these things truly mutually exclsive??

Friday I was in contact with my old , dear, spiritual friend Beth, she's been going through a lot of healing and she has completed her yoga insturctor training. We talked and have started to beginings of an idea for sunset yoga classes similar to the ones Nancy and I do together but different. I am ready so ready to do some more stretching and growing...

Today look at your life and ask yourself where you can stretch yourself a litte, ignore the protests of your mind and go past your fears, reach beyond that comfort zone and just give something a try.......You'll never know just how far you can reach till you try it, and continued reaching will lenghten those muscles to places you never thought you could go........trust me.....try it....if I can stretch at the age of 51 so can you!

With Love and in the Light, Cassie

4-6-12 Let Go to Love

4-6-12   Let Go to Love

Saturday morning I woke up none the richer (no winning lottery ticket) and to rain so I had to cancel my walking and talking event. It turned out to be a good twist of fate however as I noticed an invite to a spiritual workshop on my spiritual in NJ facebook ID It was an event to play a game called Satori and it was great! I had sent the intention now to work on leggting go of my anger, as I said in an earlier blog I discoved that I still have a lot to deal with and get rid of. I signed up and went to go post it to my main profile in case some friends of mine wanted to go and discovered that she was already my friend on my main page, talk about synchronisity! So off I went to play the game. I was pleasantly suprised to find my hypnotist friend was there, someone I admire quite a bit but seldom get the chance to speak to when were are out. He and I discussed trading hypnotism for reiki as I know I need deeper help with my weight issues...

Anyway we sat down to play the game and she said we can choose what to work on or let the game choose, all of us let the game choose. I was suprised when I drew workplace and the issue there illness, disease or injury. We went around and each said why they came today and what the issue was the board had chosen for them to work on. I again was quite happy to see that all were there similarly to me, that they had grown and done much work but having "peeled the onion layer" discovered another one to work on. I was not alone! I felt so much less down on myself for where I was at in my own growth, and some of these people are healers too! See you are never "done" but thats ok. So it was my turn to expalin my issue and I said I think this means I am angry about my position at the office, I never finished college because I kept getting depressed and not getting good grades despite how smart I am and I am angry that I have gone as far as I can despite the fact that I am smarter than many of my co-workers who make tons more money. I was angry that I can barley pay bills while I have to hear about thier fancy vacations and new cars and I am smart or smarter than many. I am angry for my parents not helping me pay for school, for accusing me of cheating when I got genius level scores on my IQ tests in grade school, for buying a new camper instead of helping me with part of my tuition so I could stay in college. So much came out! On that issue in the end it became clear that I was never meant to have a degree and climb the corporate ladder, that I could so much more good for humanity with out work getting in my way, something I felt but the re-affirmation was wonderful. The game had limiting beliefs that we all cleared, mine being I have to be perfect to be loved, and my life just isn't working (both things I have been feeling lately). There were healing issues and saying I forgive to some people. I did my parents, a meetup friend who screwed me big time in many ways, and Randy. I was angry at him for only telling me he loved me when I bought him something and I am angry at him for keeping that woman around for the money she pays him. I released these and shortly thereafter I got a text........it was him..... He said: we didn't win the lottery, my reply: guess you have to keep the wife....Not was his reply. I ignored it, guess I am going to have to tackle my anger for that issues another day as I failed the test on had I really let it go....

Each of us really did some healing and work during the game, they all said it seemed as thought I did the most and I told them all my healers are amazed at how fast and how deep I do the work. The game had Karam cards, lessons we had come to learn this life. Mine were: humility and fairness. The part I liked most of all was the New Story Cards we got to draw. I think I ended up getting the most (i was the last one to win the game) they were:

• When I show up as who I am, everyone loves me
• Life's so easy now I off to the beach
• I am always abundantly supplied and money flows easily into my life now
• I am every bit as popular as anyone else
• I have many God given gifts that I joyfully share with others
• I take control of what I can control and trust spirit to handle all the rest

I cried as I drew each card. And when I got home later an this was in my newsfeed:
Wash the dust from your Soul and Heart with wisdom's water. ~Rumi~ 
I had indeed cleared alot of dust that day...

Sunday I slept in till 8am, I had gotten home much later from the game than I expected and never got a nap, so I begged off the dancing event I had signed up for and dozzed off watching TV totally throwing off my going to sleep schedule, then again I am on vacation so who cares? I had a kite flying event in the afternoon so I happily lazed around slowly and did light chores and lots of internet work and stuff. I had a whole list of things to get done while on vacation and tried to get at least some of them done.

Monday I got up and went gorcery shopping and cleaned the house and waited for my son's to arrive which they did early in the evening. I cooked them dinner and listed to the tales of thier trip. Jeremy was so full of anger and crankiness though and Dustin said he hadn't been that way the whole trip till he got here. It came up that he wants to go to Florida with his friend Alex and I do not approve of that idea but in the end I said listen you are 21 you can do whatever you want to do but I am entitled to my opinion. I also gave my opinion to the coal mine in Ohio job, he has asthma and no drivers liscence.

We've been having a good week so far though, I took them to a movie one day the arcades another day, one day we stayed home and did yard work. It was just like old times though Dustin helped a little and then it was Jeremy and I working together all the rest of the time. Dustin just watched TV, played on his computer or stummed his banjo most of the time so far. I wish that I had more money so I could take him somewhere really fun but I just don't. I so wanted him to have fun. But at least we are getting along and not fighting about anything and when religion came up we had a short discusssion and then dropped it, he's seeing now that we each have our own beliefes but neither one of us has to force them on the other.

And speaking of faith I had a bit of healing there too. I have been participating in a group on Facebook made up of my old college friends, we have been having a blast posting and remenising and such, sometimes we got down a path of talking about beer blasts and crushes and intervisitation. It was a small Catholic school and had very strict rules, and basically there were the holy rollers and the not so holy rollers, I of course fell in the later! One of the holy rollers posted and said "lets elevate this a bit" and changed the topic, to which I did respond to the question and added a BTW: You could have just posted a new topic with out the judgement, its people and attitudes like you that drove me away from church for a very long time. I got a lot of likes for that comment, and I have met so many who have had the same thing happen.......all I can say is don't judge christ by the behavior of christians all the time....they are after all only human. I of course said a prayer for her and sent her some love to thaw that heart and  to sum it all up I posted a song that I had always loved back when I did go to mass at Steubie U. They Will Know We are Christians by Our Love... A good reminder.......

Today on this Good Friday I want you to reflect on what a great love that Jesus had for us that he lay down his very life for us. Can't you decide to Love someone today, forgive them for whatever wrong they may have done you and pray for them and send them love and light? It's the only way to healing for them for you and for this planet.............

With Love and in the Light,  Cassie


They Will Know We are Christians by Our Love
http://youtu.be/9XhUsJD0w1M

And they'll know we are Christians by our love,
By our Love,
Yes they'll know we are Christians by our love.

3-30-12 The Mega Multiplier

3-30-12  The Mega Multiplier

Tuesday my sinuses were clearing up some and my hearing was improving a little and thus my sociability and general outlook on life. Work went better and I felt better and was coming out of the doldrums. So when I got an e-mail for a sale from a company I had bought a leather motorcycle jacket from and they had skull helmets ridiculously cheap I knew Randy would appreciate that so I sent it to him, he replied with a sure wish I had someone to ride with, to which I replied take the wife, at least she's not afraid of that old bike like I am. Then I went on to say I hope she doesn't make fun of me this year when I post my ad on Craigslist looking for a guy to ride with, I am going to put a curse on her if she does and I proceeded to think up a very good curse and recalled how he said the mirror got knocked off her car and he had to send out and get a new one and fix it and she didn't at all thank him. Yeah I will wish something to happen to her car if she makes fun of me I thought, nothing serious just a scratch or a bump......my little voice inside me cautioned me that when you wish ill on someone it comes back to you but I poopooed my inner voice saying I only say that IF she makes fun of me again....

Later that evening I had to drive Jeremy to NYC to get a bus to Ohio so that his brother, (who refused to come here to get him and make it easier on me), so he could pick him up in Columbus (4 hrs round trip from my Dad's and about equal to what it would have been to just come get him here on the way south to the Nascar race) I also had to drive to the city, pay for the ticket and the tolls going to and from the 2 hr round trip. Grrr All of this not withstanding I was happy to get a ticket for $30 instead of the $140 Greyhound wanted, sure it was a sketchy looking place, the people were not speaking english, and the trip was 10pm to 7am but at least the traffic wasn't bad..and I pointed out to Jeremy when he complained about his bus mates that at least no one had a live chicken! While driving there for some reason Jeremy got on the topic of how awful it is that people screw each other and treat others poorly in this world and he said that people need to evolve. I agreed, told him life wasn't fair and yes they do need to evolve and that we all had to work to raise the vibrations of the planet to postive ones and not negative ones. I then took the opportunity to brign up how appaling his behavior was sunday at Home Depot, especailly being so mean to that old, minimum wage earning greeter at the door. He said well I was sick and cranky and I said those are the times you stay away from people till you feel better, you should never release anger on others. He listend to me some and then talked about his mood swings and other medical things that worry him, I told him what I alawys tell him....doctor or Reiki thats all I got to offer you. He said doctors never help him...I knew deep down that he's still got a lot of anger in him that he needs to get out, its making him sick...

After I got him on the bus at 10 I went back to my car to head home, I did after all have to work the next day and Keyport was a hours drive away.... I got in the car and hunted out my GPS and looked up and saw that my side mirror had gottne clipped! All that was hanging there were shreds of plastic and wires!

I was pretty upset as I manueverd cautiously all the way home, you never know how much you use that mirror in traffic untill it's gone! I started to panic about the cost, if I could find one in a junk yard and weather my son could put it on. Then I remembered with jealousy how Randy told me the woman who lives with him got hers knocked off and he fixed it for her, grrr Then it dawed on me like a spot light of guilt shone upon a sheepish offender! This was MY fault, I caused this to happen by wishing that curse on her, that something would happen to her car if she made fun of my ads this year! Wow, I really do have power and I really did bring bad back upon myself. I called Mary and talked about it with her and we also recognized that I still have a lot of anger inside me from my past, and that I really needed to work more on healing that. My path has been sooooooo long but I still have to go futher........I prayed that night for help from the angels and the next day as I drove to work and went past Randy's street I sent blessings to him and to her and hoped that they would fix what they got themselves into.

The rest of the week was pretty unremarkable, the only thing going on was lottery fever, the jack pot was over $600 million. I worked from home friday and I felt my inner voice say for split second tell me I was going to have a lot of money soon. Of course I thought of the lottery, and what I would do with the money if I won. Buy a BIG house by the bay, give my Dad plenty to be very comfortable, figure out a way to give to my son's w/o ruining them, perhaps set them up in thier own businesses? Of course my gandest plan I have always had was to have a big big big place by the sea like the mother in the move The World According to Garp, where she let people come to live and help them put thier lives back together. Thats what I want, like a family, everyone has chores, everyone contributes according to what they have, you get love and help and support while you grow stronger till you can live on your own... I would so love to be able to quit my day job.... but for now I have my little rental, and my roomates this is good too.... I thought of Randy for a brief moment and thought about if I should hire him to work for me for some huge salary, thats what I had said when I get rich I would get a boat and he could run it for me. I let that thought go...

Later in the afternoon I broke down and I went and bought a ticket, at the same store that someone had got run down in the street the day before, morbid yes but I figure that area had used up quite a bit of its bad energy perhaps there was some good energy there now? I came home and took a nap and was woken by a text later, it was Randy. He said in all caps: go out and by us a lottery ticket now. I told him to go buy one with his wife. Ugh not the nicest thing to say I thought. But I did comment on how it was funny how he didn't say he bought a ticket and if he won he'd share with me or that he also hadn't offered to help me with my car mirror (I had texted him a pic of it when I sent one to Jeremy). That got him to leave me alone, still I knew I was wrong for having reacted in anger....I need more work on this for sure! I will pray and do self Reiki tonight I told myself. Then I looked for the winning numbers and saw I had 3 right! But I noticed it was for tuesdays numbers not that days. Then I noticed something called a multiplier, if i got 2,3 or 4 or 5  I got a pay out but if I had the mulitplier I got double! So I went and got another ticket for good meause and got the multiplier!

Now I don't know that I will win the lottery, money after all really isn't the blessing most people think it is, but I am going to work now on mulitplying the love in my heart. I have to push out the anger and the jealousy and the pain and grow the love, the compassion, the blessings the giving and all the positive things. Trust me when I tell you the size of your heart is what matters NOT the size of your bank account and once you learn to love and give and wish blessings on EVERYONE  you will always have a mega multiplier!!

May you ALL win big and always have everything that you need!

With Love and in the Light,  Cassie

3-26-12 Hiding Out

3-26-12  Hiding Out

Tuesday I left work early, I was so feverish and tired and in much pain in my ears and throat. Even though I have lived here for 10 months I still don't have a primary doctor but I did find a walk in clinic and that's where I went. I gotta say the wait there wasn't any longer than to my family doctor back in Flemington, and it was so much less nonsense too. He gave me an antibiotic and a decongestant with a cough suppressant and I spent the next few days weak and tired and in various stages of fever and un-rest. I did manage to get some work done from home each day so that I didn't fall too far behind. I knew everyone else at the office was overworked so my being out wasn't going to help the cause and of course now days in the corporate world, due to all the cut backs and short staffing, no one cares if you are sick they just want what they want when they want it. I shouldn't complain though, my boss treats me very well and says your health comes first and has never complained once to me if I was ill or fell behind, and luckily that hasn't been much at all.

So Saturday came along, the day of the St Patrick's Day Parade in my town, a week late but seems to be the tradition here. Anyway I had posted it as an event and was determined to go, I had already had to cancel the game night earlier in the week and many people were sad about that. I woke up though and didn't feel too bad so off I went. Sadly though as we sat there waiting for the parade the temperature grew colder, the wind picked up off the bay and my sinuses became even more stuffed up. The last thing I wanted to do was go find the rest of the crowd who were in the pub and planning to wander around drinking all day. I was grateful for an invitation to lunch from two of my friends and happily went. I really just am not into the big crowds and large parties anymore, or the drinking and truth be told I am not sure I ever was. Then again it could be the sickness talking......

Sunday I woke up feeling 65%, and begged off for the Yoga class.........all I wanted to do was sleep, and well maybe see that new movie Hunger Games. I considered posting to my friends to see if anyone wanted to go with me but then decided not to. Who knew who would want to come, what their schedule would be like, if I'd feel like talking to them with my decreased hearing due to sinus blockage.......sigh........too much work. Then I got to thinking about how anti-social I have been these days and decided to post in my spiritual group and asked others if they experienced anything similar, some said they had and that it had to do with the energies currently going on with the shift and all agreed the best thing to do would be to "go with the flow". I liked that idea and went with it. I asked Jeremy when he woke up if he'd like to go see the movie with me and he  mumbled in the affirmative, he's been sick with the same thing as me but at least he hasn't had to go to work, so after breakfast I proposed we stop at Home Depot to get mulch and then go see an early afternoon movie. So much for plans.........

When we got to the store first he refused to get a cart for me, then he was rude to the greeter when he offered him a sale flyer he grumbled no and when he cheerily still told him "have a nice day" he grumbled NO I WON'T.  I covered my face in shame and headed down an isle...he followed me up and down asking me why was I looking at this or that till finally, mercifully, he wandered off. I finished in that isle and went to get the mulch, he was no where to be seen. Of course. So I had to lift the heavy mulch bags into the cart by myself, he found me again when I was looking for spray paint for the metal patio furniture in time to tell me he hoped that I planned to paint it this year because he was not. Tired of his abuse and too tired to try and correct it (not that you can correct the behavior of a 21 yr old) I headed for the car with my purchases and he grudgingly lifted the bags into the car.....one ripped......he let off a stream of expletives that had people staring to which he shouted "what the f are you looking at?" Driving out of the parking lot I thought no wonder Randy never wanted to live with us...... I took him right home and told him I was not taking him to the movie with me. I have spent years on this kid therapy anger management whatever, I know he's got some type of imbalance but he's got to grow up and deal with it it's just not my problem anymore. He banished himself to his basement for the rest of the day which was a good place for the grumpy gus.

Now my thinking of Randy for a second must have plucked some type of cosmic cord because just as  I was pulling in my street he was coming down it, he tooted and waved and texted.  He is usually working at that hour on a Sunday and also would have had to ignore a wrong way sign to cut down my street.... I C U he said. I see you too I replied. Then feeling like getting some sympathy, (and perhaps a movie pal) I replied: Jeremy being a meanie at honme depot so I am not taking him to the movies with me......Sorry honey he replied and I am at The Fishery....I don't know if he wanted me to come over or not but I just replied OK have fun with your day......going to go home and fix things he sent back. I know most wouldn't understand it but it was comforting to know he's around. Especially when I have been feeling so sick for so long, I knew if I needed him, he'd come. I also knew I wouldn't ask...

Monday I headed back to work and felt a little better, still I kept a low profile and just did my work. I still can't hear very well. Walking out of work my hospice manager called me but I was on the phone comforting my cousin, who'd had a vision or premonition or something (she's been having them ever since she had a near death experience a few years ago) she was concerned about the family member who she had the vision of and said my Dad just tells her "it's from the devil" I told her to ignore him he tells me the same thing. I got home and shot off an e-mail to my hospice manger explaining why I haven't been in to see my patient, she didn't get that e-mail but she left me another message, apparently there are TWO there now. Well hopefully I can get in later in the week but today my immune system doesn't need any more stress and I don't think I can give very effective Reiki right now and well I am just going to lay low just a little bit longer....... springs gone back to being nippy, I need to get a little bit stronger things can wait.....think I am going to go find a rock to hide under for a bit longer.....

Today don't worry about everything getting done in a big rush, sure spring is coming and there is much to do and you WILL get it done. But if you feel achey or sluggish or sniffly it's OK if you just want to peep your head out a bit and then stay in hiding and rest a bit longer. Same for your spiritual growth, if you are tired or stressed there's nothing wrong with hiding under your rock just a little.......don't worry I will come get you when the sun's shining again...........rest up my friends..........you will need it soon.....

With Love and in the Light, Cassie